Friday, May 10, 2013

Happy woman; happier mother.

Motherhood is a blissful thing; it’s beautiful; it’s satisfying; it is nothing less than ecstasy. But being a mother does not mean you sacrifice on being a woman. While your life starts revolving around your child, finding out some time for yourself; to do the things you love; to feel complete is equally important.
Unfortunately somewhere amidst this happy cacophony of motherhood, most women tend to lose themselves; their own identity. And if they don’t, the people around them compel them to do. Even after that if they don’t then they are made to go through a guilt trip.
I had always been this self-determining woman who loves her own space and time. Be it a couple of pages I read; a coffee I savour at a coffee shop; a long walk; a bit of quilting; blogging; or pure blissful day dreaming. I need my occasional break for sanity’s sake.
So when I entered motherhood I realised that “me-time” was scarce – very scarce – and I wasn’t prepared for it. Suddenly being confined to the house was not a great thing at all. I started stealing time to read and quilt between the nursing and the nappy changing. I would take a short walk around in the evenings. My baby was growing, responding and as days passed my affection and attachment towards him just kept increasing. Yet, I continued to take time out for myself.
A few months later I started going to work. I had faith in my extended family to take care of my child while I worked. I was satisfied with calling home once a day to check on him. I knew if something did go wrong, I would get a call from home. I enjoyed a once in a while stopping by at a coffee shop sipping on a coffee and reading a book before I got home. I enjoyed strolling around the bazaar area - window shopping before I got home.
It was then that people around started this entire exercise of creating chaos up in my head. Statements like the following kept hovering and buzzing in my ears everywhere I went - “Oh, don’t you call home every hour. I would miss my child so much that I would just keep calling home and crying.” - “Don’t, you just wait for the clock to strike six every evening so that you can run home to your baby. My child is three years old and I still do it.” And so on.
These statements from people around started making me feel like a culprit. I started questioning my attachment with my child; wondering if I was a dreadful mother. I went into major depression and then self introspection. I spoke to my family and friends who mattered. They were the people who convinced me that I was doing just fine.
Then I got into observing the same women around who would make the comments above. And I realised that women were just not living for themselves. They were wives, mothers, daughters; and that’s about it. They had somewhere lost their own identity.
I realised then that taking care of myself will only make me a better parent. I would only be ‘fun to be around’ and a more approachable mother.
Today, two years later, I am extremely attached and involved as a mother. I am bringing up a child who will respect his own independence and the independence of others.
I continue to take time out for myself and loving myself as a woman.
Like motherhood it is just as beautiful to be a woman.
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  1. Fab!!! You got published too!!!
    Great going, sis! :D

  2. I'm a mother and always paranoid about my child.
    The thing I hate about being a mother is that you can never rest easy.And it is automatic,not that you force yourself to fret.

    1. I agree, but there are time when you just need to let it be.

  3. You know - the thing about people is they always HAVE to say something or the other. It's very obvious you tow a line different from the one they do, and you have towed it well. I think if YOU are happy being a woman and a mother the way you are right now, so be it. The world can just as well go bother someone else! :)

  4. Ohhh.. I so much love this article.. So true it is. It happened with me as well. When my son was born one and half years ago, i decided to quit work and dedicate myself to take care of my baby and family.. But later on, i realized that i am beginning to lose my identity and my approach to various things have changed. And then i decided to start work or rather find some time for myself and to do what i love... and i am much more happier now and so is my baby and family :)

    1. Yes, Ila. It is very important to take care of ourselves to take care of the family well.


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