Monday, July 27, 2015

No more bad dreams

Ri's Mama


Last night as I was getting Ri to bed, I saw him wipe his eyes… silently.

Me: What happened, baby? Are you crying?

Ri: (In a teary voice) I don’t want to sleep, Mama.

Me: Why? What’s wrong?

Ri: If I close my eyes and sleep, I will get bad dreams. I don’t like bad dreams. (He started crying)

Me: (holding him close to me, I start talking to him softly) You won’t get bad dreams babu, you have had a happy day today, right? We had so much fun and you watched you favourite movie (Wreck it Ralph)... And dreams are not real. And mama is sleeping right here, next to you. Just cuddle up to me if you feel scared. Okay.

Ri: (Not convinced) I don’t like bad dreams, Mama.

Me: Okay. Let me kiss you on your eyes now and take away all your bad dreams from you. (I kissed his eyes) and now I will give you all my happy dreams. Okay? You won’t get any more bad dreams.

Ri nodded his head and went off to sleep… within seconds.

***

But the conversation had me disturbed all night.

***

This morning when he woke up, the first thing I asked –

Me: Did you sleep well, Ri? No bad dreams right?

He grinned, shook his head and hugged me.

Ri: You really took away the bad dreams from my eyes na, Mama?

Me: I did, baby.

Ri: I will not get bad dreams again.

Me: I don’t think so. J

Ri: But, Mama, what if you get my bad dreams now?

Me: That’s okay.

Ri: (after thinking for a while) Mama, If you get my bad dreams and you feel scared, you can give them back to me.

I hugged him tight and told him that I never want him to have bad dreams again.

***

I cried a lot in the bathroom later. Here was a little boy of four who cared so much for me, loved me so much that he was willing to face something he really feared, to keep me safe.

I realised that I have spent the last few months worrying, fretting and feeling low because of people who do not give two hoots about how I feel. I have harmed myself and in turn, SSM and Ri, for people and issues that really do not matter. I have been irate and snapped at those who do wish me well.

I cried this morning because I don’t want to cry ever again for those who do not care.

I want to be happy because that is what will keep Ri happy. I want to be happy because he really wants me to be happy. I want to be happy because I want to eliminate all the bad dreams from both our lives… forever.

***




22 comments:

  1. this just made me cry a little bit. I know what I am missing out in life. I know what we run after or believe belongs to us all fades out when you have this one. a part of you. massive hugs to rihu the rockstar and his unbelievably awesome mother.

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  2. For all your unhappiness........ Obliviate!

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    Replies
    1. I know you and Ri work hard to obliviate my unhappiness. :)

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  3. :') So much heart and soul you have put in this one. I wish we could talk when you were hitting that low , just the way you were there for me Didi during my sad-phase. *hugs*

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  4. :(
    Cheer up! No point wasting time thinking over people who don't matter. And if you do want to get it flushed out your system, please *bitch without guilt*! I am beginning to realise it works faaaaaarr better than bottling up the feelings.

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    Replies
    1. I know. I guess I gotta try that.

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  5. this tugged at my heart!! a mother and child relation is definitely the best relation that can ever exist under the sun! Ri is so lucky to have such a beautiful mamma, and Mamma is so lucky to have a beautiful baby like Ri! hugs to both! :)

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  6. Ohh Diptee di :( *hugs tight*
    This made me tear up... :-/ You're a wonderful person...and an awesome mommy. <3 Ri wants to protect you the way I've always wanted to protect my mother.
    Life is beautiful with Ri. We spoke about this: cut off the people who make you unhappy. Life is too short to be anything but happy. You're fine. And you're my awesome Diptee di!
    Loads of love to you.
    <3

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    Replies
    1. Tight hugs to you too. Yeah, I know we've spoken but it is difficult to cut off some people. Anyway. Thank you :) and love you loads too. <3

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  7. Change can com in many forms in our lives. It mite come forcefully lyik a tidal wave, or creep along incrementally lyik a glacier. It might come in the form of devastatin' tragedy, difficult choices, broken relationships, or even new opportunities.. u r stronger Ms. Raut!.. #Respect ol d way fo u..

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  8. You are the best Fiction blogger I have know in India.. http://www.fforfree.net/

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  9. What a lovely story! What a great little boy too. My children are older now, but I wonder if they would have made the same brave offer. I think the conversation would more likely have been something along the lines of, "Hey, Dad! I've got another truckload of bad dreams outside. Oh, and some of my friends gave me their bad dreams for you too. Can I have an ice cream?"

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    Replies
    1. Bun, Thank you. I am pretty sure I would have made an offer similar to what you think your children would have, to my parents. :D Thanks for commenting. :)

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  10. Ahh..so lovely! not a writer, cant think of a better word than "touching"! So touching!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! How sweet of you to walk past my old posts. Thanks for commenting on this one, though. It made me read it again and I felt happy that I have eliminated most of the people who were then a reason for my unhappiness. :)

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