Sunday, September 9, 2012


I have a bathroom fetish. I like it big. I like it clean. Like the ones they show in the bathroom fittings commercials.

So when we started house hunting 5 years ago the unique selling proposition had to be the bathroom. A good big bathroom. Okay not as big as the advertisement ones but a big one enough. Trust me it’s difficult to get a decent sized bathroom in the new apartment complexes in Kolkata. They always compromise on the bathroom and the kitchen size.

And then when we came across this house with a decent sized bathroom. Okay I could not fit a bath tub in it or have a counter top around the wash basin or fit in a waterproof cupboard in it. But I was happy. In fact after the kind of search that we had gone through, I was not just happy, I was elated. It was a white and light green tiled bathroom. Oh it also had marble flooring. White Marble Flooring. That was supposed to be a WOW. So I was not just elated. I was ecstatic. I was as ecstatic as a mosquito in a nudist colony.

So we moved in to this lovely house with an awesome bathroom.  And I really took great care of the bathroom. Just the bathroom. I cleaned and scrubbed and made it sparkle like the teeth of those guys in the happy dent ad while the rest of the house soon got to resemble a pigsty.  Oh it was the pride of my house. But hey good things, good things don’t last forever! So then slowly and steady I realized that the world was conspiring against me. And the water provided to me in my blissful bathroom was slowly ruining the marble floor. The white wasn’t white anymore. There were these weird disgusting amoebic patches of light yellow ochre all over.

I was in tears and there were various methods I did to get rid of them. Okay I shall list a few of them here.
  1.      The first biggest mistake I did was to use harpic. Oh yes! I know, I am such an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was desperate. Really desperate. So there it was. The bathroom floor now looked like the wonky, entangled, distressed weird lines that my toddler draws on…umm well everywhere and I grin and say, “That’s awesome honey, my baby will grow up to be an artist”. (I had read some crappy parenting site that insisted that parents should say positive encouraging stuff to the kids to help in their brain development). As I stood and watched the floor that now resembled one of those “find your way out” weird maze puzzles. I wished my folks had said happy encouraging things to me as a child for my brain development.
  2.   I then tried Mayonnaise. Yes, you read that right. Someone told me it works. So did google. Try googling for mayonnaise for cleaning. You’d know that I am not lying. Anyways, it didn’t work for me. Instead the bathroom started smelling funny. The floor kind of got a little slippery. Umm, actually slippery enough to make me slip and fall. And trust me a fall is not a good thing for women like me who are built more for comfort than for speed. It took a huge toll on this huge body.
  3.    I ordered for a bathroom cleaning robot. Really I did. Okay I didn’t. This time I am lying. But hey I was extremely tempted to order for one. Oh yes they exist. Check this out. But my husband was dead against it. Well some people… they just do not have their priorities set right.
  4.  I used vinegar mixed in baking soda. That cleaned some bit of the stains. Some parts of the disgusting murk.  But the marble was corroded. Ruined. Ruined for life.
  5.  Got my husband to clean the bathroom.

And I have stuck to the last method. The husband is good at it. He does a good job.  No, I am not an escapist. It’s just heart breaking to try cleaning that bathroom again. And he really really does a great job. (Yes, he will be reading this post).

In fact he is cleaning the bathroom now as I write this post. Yes, it’s almost midnight. Yes, we are weird people. Anyways I guess I should get back to cleaning the pigsty now. Good Night.


  1. Good one.. U were tempted for bathroom n myu wife is tempted for a BIG BEDROOM.. Along with a BIG BATHROOM :)

  2. I do like the part of getting the hubs to scrub! I can barely get mine to replace the cap on the toothpaste tube... :S I guess marrying a "Francisian Assassin" has its cons!

    "Built for comfort and not for speed" ME *LIKEY*! :D
    As for bathrooms in general, I hate the whole idea of big bathrooms, and worse, the combo bathrooms with loos, and washbasins. Prefer the good old segregation of the 3 functions.

  3. For the first time I dont know how to react to your blog! I dont know whether to take this as a compliment or not. I think you should create a separate section in your blog called "wierd thoughts" or may be "Abol Tabol" or may be "Ja Ta" and post this blog there

  4. So that's how Subhro ended up in the bathroom with the mayonnaise and without the bread and the salami and the green salad...just missed out on a great party. But I forgive you...I liked this Quite good.

  5. Great Idea. This way in future all the husbands can end up in bathroom

  6. That's even more scary DipTea !! Subhro, we'll make a Husband Anti-Shoshan Samiti (HASS) against bathroom cleaning and protest against such instigating blogs...

    -Tarun (Founding Member, HASS)

    1. Hail Tarun Gupta! Hail - for it is Tarun Gupta who has come for my rescue!


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