Shahrukh swag, Dabangg and steamy farts.

Winters huh! Yeah I am not too fond of them. I mean they are okay. A bit hyped actually. The only thing I like about winters is the Shahrukh Khan feel that it gives me every morning as I walk out of the bathroom. You know what I mean, right? That feeling, down there in that picture.

Yeah I give that Shahrukh Khan entry every time I walk out of the super steamy bathroom. Yup the swag and all...

I have noticed SSM give me a weird look every time I  make that classic entry from the bathroom to the bedroom. He is probably impressed at my swag. But actually he has been giving me that look ever since I took him to watch Dabangg 3. Rather, from the time I walked out of the theatre and shouted BEST. MOVIE. EVER. A lot of people gave me the look too. I am pretty sure they were overwhelmed by the cinema as well and it was a look of mutual admiration. Well. SSM has been giving me the look since then. I guess he is unable to express his awe. But I get him.

So well, 2020 resolution is to start blogging again. And here I am. And like all resolutions this may not stick around too... but I will try. Because crazy keeps happening.

It is not my fault really that I stopped blogging. When I was doing my day job, I had the laptop open in front of me and there was no other option than to blog. Because I rarely worked. Now that I am at home I don’t see the laptop and I don't blog. So I have asked SSM to switch on the laptop every morning. Not because I am lazy but because he needs to have some fun thing to do too, besides giving me the look.

The winters this year are seriously cold. Ri, Rai and I went for a walk last evening and we were steaming from our mouth. Ri was having fun blowing air from his mouth watching it steam. He then asked me, Ma would we see steam if I fart too. I kept staring at this butts all the time we were out. I am not sure if he did fart. But I was happy with the though of steaming farts.

It is Ri’s birthday today. He turns 9. Happy birthday, love and may the year be full of steamy sparkly farts.

Seriously!?

Me: Ri , that is super messy eating. Please clean up the plate.

Ri: Why?

Me: Because kids who eat clean, have their dreams come true

Ri: Ma please that is just an old story you've heard as a kid. You know things don't work that way.

Me : 😱

Erm...!

So I am singing the Bimbo song and Ri is listening to me. For those you who do not know the Bimbo song , here is a bit of it: 

Bimbo, is a little boy
Who's got a million friends
And every time he passes by
They all invite him in
He'll clap his hands
And sing and dance
And talk his baby talk
With a hole in his pants
And his knees stick out
He's just big enough to walk

Bimbo, Bimbo
Where you going to go e oh
Bimbo, Bimbo
What you going to do e oh
Bimbo, Bimbo
Does your mommy know
That your going down the road
To see a little girly oh!

It is a lovely song. You can click on the hyperlink and listen to it too.

So I am singing the song and suddenly Ri stops me.

Ri: So, ma... This boy, Bimbo, he really like girls doesn't he?

Me: Yep he does

Ri: And he does not tell his mother that he is going to meet this girls.

Me: Uh huh...

Ri: So, ma... That is not really a great thing because he should tell his mother where he is going.

Me: That is right...

Ri: So, it is wrong behaviour.

Me: (Not sure where this is going) Yes. He should have told his mother.

Ri: Hmm... And still he has a million friends!

And yet again I am stunned!

Just another regular day.

Ri is sitting on the bed reading about planets in his planet book. SSM is sitting on the floor beside the bed reading some book.

I walk in to the room with my phone in my hand. My phone is playing the chicken kuk du ku song.

I start dancing to it. (Because we all do silly dance at home, right?)

Ri and SSM both look up from whatever they are reading. They both stare at me for a moment.

And then Ri says, "Mama, stop! I really do not like your moves!" and they both get back to reading.

It's Enough!

Two posts in a row with pictures of shoes... shows what I am going through!

IT. IS. ENOUGH.

I have procrastinated enough. I have thought enough. I have worried enough. It is time to to just leave aside all inhibitions and go ahead.

I have stressed enough. And then spent hours reading up on stress management self help write-ups. And stressed more and ended up with migraines more often than I would have liked.

And now, I have decided that it is enough. I am not going to go around seeking clarity anymore. I am just going to get clarity myself. Because now I know where it is. Clarity. Somewhere within myself. Sitting quietly in some tiny corner of my mind.

I have spent hours worrying. worrying about things that I have no control on. Worrying about things, that might not happen ever. I have been quite a freak. And now I am not gonna do that. nah. Because, the current love of my life, Eddie Redmayne, as Newt Scamander, said that worrying only makes you suffer twice.

I have been negative. I have absorbed the negativity of others, I have spread negativity. I have cried, I have yelled, I have brooded... But not anymore. I am done with that. I cannot control the negativity around me. But I can get away from it. I can control my own negativity. I know I can.

And I shall come back here and update once I have done that. All of that.

Till then... Bye! Bye!

The unforgivable curse

Source: 

typographyserved.com

He walked out of the famous tea shop in Dakshinapan holding the packet of his wife's favourite tea. He thought he saw someone familiar as he walked out. He stopped and turned around. Yes, it was K. He enjoyed K's acquaintance. He liked K. K hadn't noticed him yet, but he knew K would be happy to see him. He smiled and stepped forward to call out to K. But then, then he stopped. He paused, he frowned, and then he turned and walked away.

And somewhere far away, in a city that was taken over by dementors, a dark wizard smiled. His Imperius curse had worked. He could control the lives of his followers. He could break them, he could mould their minds, he could keep them away from the ones whom they liked.

Vany died.

Vany died and is now swimming happily in fishy heaven. We gave him a good funeral. We miss him.

Three Conversations - One topic - Astronomy it is!

Ri and I are sitting at the dinner table, talking.

Ri: Mama, Mucky mucky is brown and seres is white, right?

Me: Umm, Who are these guys, some characters in a cartoon you have been watching?

Ri: (pause) (hard stare) Mama, they are the other planets in the Solar System!

Me: No, baby. Remember the Sun and the eight planets are what makes the solar system.

Ri: Na, Ma. There are five dorf planets in the solar system, Muckymucky, Seres, Eris, Pluto and Hameya. Also, Mama, It was because of Muckymucky that Pluto had to go out of the solar system.

And also there asteroids between Mars and Jupiter.

He had my attention now. This was new. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Me: Okay, let’s google it. (yeah, kick me hard for not believing him)

I googled for five dorf (turned out to be dwarf) planets, and there they were – Eris, Pluto, Haumea, Makemake, Ceres. And a proud mama I was!

That boy sure makes a wonderful teacher J <3 o:p="">

***

Another time... another conversation...

Ri: Mama, I can't wait to be an astronaut

Me: Well, That is great. Remember, you will have to study a lot to become an astronaut.

Ri: A lot of science?

Me: Yep, a whole lot of science.

Ri: As much as what Baba studies?

Me: Umm... Much more than what Baba studies.

(Pause)

Ri: As much as what Robi Dadu (Rabindranath Tagore) studied.

Me: (smiling) I guess so.

That boy sure has some parameters. :D

SSM was happy when he heard this - He said he feels 'arrived' in life if his son is placing him just below Robi Dadu. (rolls eyes)


***

And yet another time and another conversation.

Ri: Mama, I know what I want to be in life...

Me: And what is it?

Ri: A phuchka wala.

Me: That is lovely, Ri. You can be whatever you want. But I thought you wanted to be an Astronaut.

Ri: Yes.

Me: Then?

Ri: I will be an astronaut. I will go and find Pluto. I will get Pluto back into the Solar System. And then I will sell phuchkas on Pluto.

And that boy sure does have his priorities set right!

A birthday gift.

There are days when life springs upon you some beautiful gift. No, I am not trying to get philosophical here. I am talking about real material gifts. Yeah, that happens.

And it happened to me a few days ago…

Remember my aunt, Mummy. You can read about her here.

Well, a few couple of months ago I had visited my parents in Bombay. Every time that I go to Bombay, my mother brings out some thing or the other that she would have stored away years ago and now doesn't know what to do with it. (Which is a lie. She, just like all mothers, want to give away all the lovely things that she has ever stored (and that is quite a bit) away to her daughters.)

So this time around she climbed up to a loft in the house and bought out something wrapped in newspaper. Mummy had got this for her from Japan, she told me, as she unwrapped the newspaper. Out came the most pretty looking, white, with pink cherry blossom, ceramic jar.

“Do you want this”, she asked. 

I? Of course I do. It was one of the daintiest thing I would ever own.

“Are you sure, you don’t want it”, I asked her. Already knowing the answer. It is always the same after all – No, I have a lot of jars.

So there I was admiring it. I opened the lid. The inside was stuffed with newspaper too. I let that be, closed the lid, wrapped it in the newspaper again and packed it in my bag immediately.

Back home I kept the jar safe in a cupboard. A few day ago, I suddenly remembered about the jar and fetched it to store some orange drops. 

As I got the stuffed newspaper out from the jar, it seemed unusually heavy to me. Prying through it carefully, I stumbled upon this.

This. Most. Gorgeous. Glass. Pendant. Ever.

I just held it in my palm for a while. I was love at first sight. It was BEAUTIFUL.

I then called up my mother and asked her if Mummy ever mentioned the pendant to her. She said no, which was weird because Mummy was not the sorts who would forget to mention something like this.

So I don’t know, if that pendant was ever meant to be mine, or if it was a mistake. But I know one thing that it is my most beloved thing for the moment and I am not going to part with it.

So if anyone else in the family is reading this, don’t you dare come claiming and asking for it, because I am not giving it to you.

I will take it as my birthday gift from mummy and wear it all day today as I celebrate 35 years of life. I was, after all, her favourite niece.

Happy birthday to me. :)

Goodnight, buttercup.

As I was putting Ri to bed tonight, after the two favorite bed time stories (Julia and buttercup, and golpoland (made up stories by me)), he said he had a few questions. And these were his questions. (No, I am not getting into the answers. This post is just about the questions.)

When you  grow up will you become an astronaut too because I would want to take you with me in my rocket to Pluto?

Why do astronauts wear helmets on the moon?

How do we breathe?

Why do we have food pipe and wind pipe?

Oxygen and carbon dioxide is funny na... What are lungs?

What is heart?

Why do we have bones?

Why do we have private parts?

Why do women have breast?

When I am 100 years and then a baby again, will I eat breast food from your tummy?

Why do we give my old clothes and half my birthday toys to other children?

Where does money come from?

And then...

Mama do you know who is my favorite best ma’am? More favourite than my school ma'am, it's you!
Love you. Goodnight.

Good night, baby.

Pinocchio is not the same. Sigh!

This post is meant to be read only if you are above 18 years of age.

So Kiri, if you are on this post you will close it right now. Alright? Now. Close it NOW! Please, be good.

Okay. That was for my 11-year old niece who never fails to read my blogs. But she is a good girl and I am sure she would have listened and closed this one immediately.

CLOSE IT RIGHT NOW!

So here we are!

***



It is good when you are weird and you have weird friends. because that is what leads to weird conversations. Like this one.






Here is the video ---->














I deleted the link with the baby picture (obviously) but the last picture was to confess that we are not just weird, we are also horrible people who call babies ugly.

Yeah, stop judging us, people!

He is five already.

Let's stay crazy always.

He used to cry when he got annoyed. Now he uses words like 'eeyu', 'yikes', 'yup' and 'nopes'.

He used to stare at me in wonder when I would tell him stories. Now he tells me, "Mama, don't say shit/damn. It's a bad word"

He used to gurgle when I would sing lullabies to him. Now he recognises songs by their prelude.

I used to hold and rock him to pacify his crying. Now he wipes my eyes if he sees me in tears.

Oh, he has grown up. And grown so soon.

He dances to Mama Mia with me. He tells me stories. He sings me songs. He fights with me, he argues.

He tells me, " Mama you've got it wrong. You don't know anything." And then, again, he tells me, "Mama, WOW, you are super"

He crafts with me and works my sewing machine like a pro, almost. (He remembers that I promised him two years ago that he can use my sewing machine when he turns five. He reminded that to me this morning.)

He makes me cry and he makes me laugh. He makes me feel like a goddess, and sometimes a demon. He makes me feel safe and then makes me worry like hell.

But he always has and always will make me feel awesome.

Love you, baby. And a very happy birthday to you.


PS. Please dance with me to Mama Mia always. Or till I turn 92.

Some days are happy and some days are not...

 

That is how I want to remember him always-blowing happy bubbles.

Nick died. 

I reached home on Friday and saw him lying peacefully at the bottom of his jar. He had been with us for almost nine months and, while many would say that he was just a fish, I couldn’t help but cry. I will miss him. He was a good fish, a good friend. I did not want to flush him off but wanted a proper burial for him.

The next morning was spent explaining death to Ri. And when he finally did and realised that Nick will not come back, even if we show him to a doctor like he suggested, he burst into tears saying he loved Nick and he wants him back. I was happy that the kid has his heart in place.

I wrapped Nick in a newspaper and asked SSM to go am bury him. (It is nice of SSM to oblige in spite of not really wanting to) Both Ri and I bid goodbye to him and prayed for him to be happy in fishy heaven. We watched from the veranda as SSM buried him. I shouted out to SSM to put some flowers there. He looked up and did a major eye roll (He was on an eye roll spree that day. I will come to more eye roll bit later) but he is a nice man so he did offer some flowers.

I told Ri that tonight when we all sleep, Nick will become a star and be happy up in the sky. We were fine then.

We decided to spend rest of the day crafting. So I made a kandil (lantern), SSM made a phanush (sky lantern) and Ri helped us with it. He also made a sort of a cardboard man. Cute.

And I did some sewing.

So I made this.

Tell me it looks lovely.

SSM: What is it?

Me: It is a book quilt? Isn’t it nice?

SSM: Erm, yes. Nice. But what exactly is it again?

Me: Sigh! Winters are coming, the books feel cold. They need a quilt too.

SSM: *Eye roll* (See, second time in the day) You got to be kidding me, right?

A warm and happy book

Me: No, I am serious. See, doesn’t the book look warm and cosy?

SSM: *Deep breath* Will you ever stop being crazy?

Me: What? This is an awesome creation, okay? And beside keeping the book warm, it has many other advantages.

SSM: Like?

Me: Like when I want to hide from people the book that I am reading.

SSM: Okaaaay. And why would you want to do that?

Me: Because people might want to steal it

SSM: *raised eyebrows* Yes?

Me: Or because I might be reading porn or worse, Durjoy Dutta. I wouldn’t want people to know that, right?

SSM: You know you are never going to use that thing, right?

Me: YOU ARE WRONG. I am going to read every book in that quilt for the rest of my life.

SSM: *Eye roll. Again.*

Because everyone needs a quilt

Please someone tell him that EVERYONE needs a quilt!

***

I miss Nick. :(

A memory and a dream. Both unrelated and weird. Because I am fighting a blogger's block.

This post is just a memory flash –

Sourced from the internet.

The first ever audio cassette that I owned as a kid was Mr. India. All the other cassettes belongs to my father or my sister. And then on my 7th birthday, my sister gifted me with Mr. India. Oh, I played it in loop that day and for many more days. I sang. 'bijli ki raani main hu aayi' instead of bijli giraane mai hoon aayi' (They both make sense) and I blushed ever time 'kaante nahi katate... I love you' played because that was almost equal to porn for an innocent seven year old, born in the 80's.

Sourced from the internet. Of course

The first ever video cassette that I owned as a kid was 'Maine Pyaar Kiya'. This time, it was not a gift. I stole it from the local video library. No, I did not go one night, break the glass with a stone, enter in and rob it. That would have been cool. But I just borrowed it and never returned it. (Yeah, I have done that with library books too. Come on, everyone does that with library books.)

I was down with chicken pox as an eleven year old and the only memory that I have of the quarantine is having read Heidi and watching Maine Pyaar Kiya every single day. Every. Single. Day. (The movie. I did not read Heidi every single day. That is not possible for a slow reader like me) I mouthed every dialogue with action and expressions. Even today if ever I come across Maine Pyaar Kiya while shuffling through the television channels, I immediately stop to watch it and my lips move with the dialogues.

Maine Pyaar Kiya remains and will remain my favourite movie ever. And well, Salman… Sigh!

***

The rest of this post is a weird dream (Rarely do I remember a dream but this was so weird and sort of sweet that I could recall it clearly the next morning) -

Nick blowing happy bubbles

Remember Nick? Well, I dreamt that Ri had a fork in his hand and he shove that in Nick’s jar, piercing Nick. So Nick was dying and I see him fly out of the jar towards me. He lands on my palm and I pet him and tell him that he will live.

I put him back in the jar suddenly the room is filled with all sorts of flying fishes and Winnie the Pooh characters. The all start singing a weird song in and extremely high pitched voice. All together.

Suddenly I see Nick coming back to life, swimming. I was happy. He was happy. But then he started growing at an alarming rate. I saw him turn into a merman. A horrible looking merman-red tail and a green moustache. He couldn’t fit into jar anymore. He was struggling to stay inside. Finally the jar shattered and Nick the merman emerged out. The other fishes and characters vanished.

I ran to him and hugged him. I told him that I was so happy he was alive... but that he can’t live with me anymore because I did not have a jar big enough to accommodate him. He had to go back to the sea.

I handed a huge saucepan filled with water to Nick so that he could duck his head into it and breathe. (Yeah, I know the gills need to go in too but the ‘me’ in the dream did not think of it.)

Anyway. I then took him to the sea (to chowpatty :/) and let him go.

I then woke up sweating and fretting about the fact that Nick had always lived in 'aquaguard' water, what if the sea killed him!

***

If you are wondering why I wrote such a random post today, it is because someone told me to just write whatever comes to mind because that is the only way to fight a blogger’s block.

If you are wondering why I wrote two totally unrelated write ups, it is because I was lazy to write them in two different posts.

***

I just feel better today.

First Brush On The Canvas.

I am getting published! 

Wow! That seemed way better than what it seemed when I said it in my head!

The cover of our book.

First brush on the canvas. How lovely does that sound. Seriously, people. I am on seventh heaven.

Although it is one little story in a book of fourteen stories, just the thought of my story, in print, in a book, in a bookstore.... OMG, I am hyperventilating again.

Seriously, it is like a dream come true.

And I really want you all to be a part of this dream with me. 

So please click on this link right now and pre order it. Now. Buy it for yourself, buy it as a gift for someone, and buy it because it means a lot to me and to all the other wonderful writers who are a part of this book. You are not going to regret reading this amazing mix of Romance, Comedy and Thrill.

And guess what. Be kind and pre order now to get a lifetime of dreams involving unicorns and cute kittens. Now, who does not want that!?

Though I do not know all the writers personally, I do know one - Abhishek Mukherjee is a very dear friend and a mentor. He was kind enough to proof read my story. Thank you. He is one awesome writer and his story in the book is splendid.

The book has been edited by Priyanka Roy Banerjee and trust me that would have been one hell of a job. Thank you so much, PRB, you are a great friend. She is easily one of the best editors we know of, a great writer and book reviewer too.

And thanks, of course to Writersmelon for giving us, aspiring authors, such a wonderful chance. Check more about them, the book, and the authors here.

But above all, thanks to SSM and RI. They are the ones who don't just bear with my madness but they add on to it. They are the ones who give me my stories. :)

Why are you still waiting?Go on. Click here. Order. Now.

I started with a haunted nose and got into a rant.

The haunted nose.

I haven’t been sleeping well because my nose is haunted. No kidding.

I had been to Hyderabad a couple of weeks ago. The guest house that I stayed in was haunted. I am sure. It was a really old house and I was given a room in the basement. The walls were damp and smelled of ghosts. I could even feel the book next to my bedside whispering at night. 

Anyway. Whoever the ghost was, has managed to possess my nose. It has been behaving really weird. My nose, not the ghost - I have noticed people use this sort of line way too much these days to make their writing humourous. It works - Hence I used it too. But it is not true because now my nose and the ghost are one and the same. So, technically, it is both. Both have been behaving weirdly these days.

The nose has been hurting ever since and I wake up every night at 2:20 am sharp. Sneezing. Every. Single. Night. So it cannot be anything else than a haunted nose.

I have tried everything to stop this weird phenomena. I started with nose drops before I sleep. Did not work. 

I tried taking nerve soothing tablets before sleeping. Okay, they are not really nerve soothing tablets. It is an anti-allergy tablet that causes my nerves to sooth and makes me drowsy. I usually take it when I feel stresses or I feel a migraine coming. Helps me to a great extent. The tablet is banned but I have managed to get a supply. (If you know my family, this information is not supposed to reach my mother. Or my sister. If you are my sister reading this, we are not going to talk about it.) And anyway, my cousin who is a doctor has convinced me repeatedly that I cannot be allergic to anti-allergy tablets. So it is safe.

I have also tried Benadryl because Benadryl gives me a high. And it is also banned. Not in the stores but in my house, due to my addiction to it. I sneak it in. Anyway, did not help.

I tried getting drunk one Saturday night so that I could sleep well. As I was getting drunk I watched a movie, I forget the name, but it was a 9PM movie on Romedy. The woman there suffers from dementia. I kept drinking and sobbing the night believing that I am going to end up with dementia when I grow old. Yet, I woke up sneezing at night and a hangover in the morning. The ghost has bloody well possessed my nose. Every night 2:20 am. Damn!

Next morning due to the hangover I need a good hot shower and I pleaded SSM and Ri to not disturb me for atleast five minutes as I walked into the bathroom. No. they came knocking at the door in exactly two minutes. When they knocked, I was listening to 'Country Roads Take Me Home...' (I do listen to music in a bath. Yes.) And then I just wanted to run away from them. Like, just flee off. To some remote village. Live on my own.

And then something happened -  I have always had this wish to live on a village side house some day. Alone. A nice little cottage with a lovely backyard. But this time, this moment I was scared. I thought about the dementia and how would I live with it alone. And then I got wondering about how would I tend to a garden when sunlight gives me migraine. I worried about what if I end up with arthritis and cannot sew anymore.Then I started panicking about my entire future and dreams and life.

But then my phone started playing Mama Mia - My go-to song. The song that always helps me during my panic attacks. And life seemed better again. I guess I can live with the knocking on the bathroom door every two minutes.

When I got out of the bathroom the song that was playing then was 'She's got the look'.  Ri jumped on the bed and shouted,'She's got the look' And then we both started dancing to the song and he clicked this picture of mine with the towel wrapped around my waist. This picture made me feel good because after seeing this, I think I can muster up some courage to wear knee length skirts.

Now I have a picture of myself in a towel on the internet. 

And life was back to normal again. Running away thoughts were put on hold. The aroma of mutton cooking in the kitchen seemed heavenly. I felt loved.

Except, of course the haunted nose. That stayed.

I will have to get the house ghost to get rid of it.

That reminds me. Ri mentioned the other day that he is learning Spanish. I asked him where he is learning Spanish from. He said that he is being taught Spanish by the ghost in his computer. He then said 'Ola' and then he said 'Es correcto' and walked away. I was pretty impressed. The house ghost has always been a darling. 

PS. Nick is doing fine too. (Just saying since all the other three members of the family are mentioned in the post)

PPS. Click on the links in the previous paragraph to read about the house ghost if you are new to my blog.

Also - when I mentioned about my fear for dementia to a couple of friends, a very dear friend messaged me saying - Don't worry so much about losing your mind. I suspect we'll miss it less than we have been led to believe. - :) She made me dream again.

No more bad dreams

Ri's Mama

Last night as I was getting Ri to bed, I saw him wipe his eyes… silently.

Me: What happened, baby? Are you crying?

Ri: (In a teary voice) I don’t want to sleep, Mama.

Me: Why? What’s wrong?

Ri: If I close my eyes and sleep, I will get bad dreams. I don’t like bad dreams. (He started crying)

Me: (holding him close to me, I start talking to him softly) You won’t get bad dreams babu, you have had a happy day today, right? We had so much fun and you watched you favourite movie (Wreck it Ralph)... And dreams are not real. And mama is sleeping right here, next to you. Just cuddle up to me if you feel scared. Okay.

Ri: (Not convinced) I don’t like bad dreams, Mama.

Me: Okay. Let me kiss you on your eyes now and take away all your bad dreams from you. (I kissed his eyes) and now I will give you all my happy dreams. Okay? You won’t get any more bad dreams.

Ri nodded his head and went off to sleep… within seconds.

***

But the conversation had me disturbed all night.

***

This morning when he woke up, the first thing I asked –

Me: Did you sleep well, Ri? No bad dreams right?

He grinned, shook his head and hugged me.

Ri: You really took away the bad dreams from my eyes na, Mama?

Me: I did, baby.

Ri: I will not get bad dreams again.

Me: I don’t think so. J

Ri: But, Mama, what if you get my bad dreams now?

Me: That’s okay.

Ri: (after thinking for a while) Mama, If you get my bad dreams and you feel scared, you can give them back to me.

I hugged him tight and told him that I never want him to have bad dreams again.

***

I cried a lot in the bathroom later. Here was a little boy of four who cared so much for me, loved me so much that he was willing to face something he really feared, to keep me safe.

I realised that I have spent the last few months worrying, fretting and feeling low because of people who do not give two hoots about how I feel. I have harmed myself and in turn, SSM and Ri, for people and issues that really do not matter. I have been irate and snapped at those who do wish me well.

I cried this morning because I don’t want to cry ever again for those who do not care.

I want to be happy because that is what will keep Ri happy. I want to be happy because he really wants me to be happy. I want to be happy because I want to eliminate all the bad dreams from both our lives… forever.

***

And I shall finally eat mete chorchori tonight.

I have been having this insatiable craving for mete chorchori for the longest time now. Like for ever, Since 20^th June 2015.

I have also been through crazy highs and lows for a real long time now. More lows than highs.

What with days of not wanting to get out of bed, to days of browsing through Pinterest all day long trying to cheer myself up with pictures of chocolate cakes, glazed chicken and pretty quilts, life has been pretty crazy.

Unfulfilled craving for mete chorchori has just been adding to my woes.

Hence yesterday on our way back, I had been pretty grumpy.

SSM: What happened?

Me: Nothing.

SSM: Okay. (Continues driving)

(Silence for some time as I grumble in my head about how SSM never probes me after I say ‘nothing’)

Me: So remember, how on 20^th of June I had told you that I am craving for mete chorchori and you had said that you get the best mete chorchori only in North Kolkata and you shall get it for me. It has been ages since we have had that conversation. I guess this is what nine years of being married does to people.

SSM: Eight years. Seven and a half, actually.

Me: What?

SSM: We have been married for seven and a half years.

Me: Of course. Seven and a half. I remember. But that is not the point. Just because of your fixation for North Kolkata, I am starving to death.

(I notice SSM roll his eyes at that.)

Later that evening at home.

SSM: Why do you have dark circles around your eyes?

Me: Because I haven’t eaten mete chorchori for ages.

My Ma-in-law (she is a sweetheart) on hearing our conversation, laughed, and promised that she would be getting mete and cooking chorchori for me today evening.

And that is how I get mete chorchori for dinner tonight. :|

 ***

(I shall vote this as my most random post ever. But I am ecstatic since morning just thinking about dinner.)

***

Update: Mete dinner last night was the best dinner ever.

That happy feeling - Thank heavens for lovely friends

When you have had the worse time going on for you for the longest time ever... You just have to wake up one morning and say to yourself - ENOUGH! You have had enough of painful time and now things are going to be just fine. You are going to be alright from now on...

And then, happiness does happen. It works! You have to to just push yourself out of bed and say with confidence that life will be okay.

I did it and I already see it happening. This.

Today I posted this picture of mine on Facebook -

I got a whole lot of lovely comments. And one of them was from my crazy friend - Disha. It said -
I feel i can use this pic for a short story subject, can make so many of them .. its so interesting that .. it is pushing me to write.. so many layers in a single pic. so u might get ur inbox flooded with a series of short stories based on this one pic.

And then an hour later this lovely little tale hit my inbox making me feel extremely special and happy-

***

Freckles, spectacles &  a pretty wedding ring , the only priced possessions she knew she had. This is what set her apart, she believed.

Fickle Fickle grew up loving almost every thing around her. While still she had not hit her teens, she was drawn towards the language and culture of the eastern world. She could knit and sew. She would tame all the stray dogs and could cook fish. 

Fickle Fickle has 2 siblings :Chuckle Trouble and Pale Pigtail. 

Zombies & Tombs was their all time favourite games.The rules of the game were simple. 

Rule #1: Stay away from the Zombie

Rule # 2 : Sit in the tomb, when you don't follow Rule #1 

They would climb the trees, jump in to the lake and eat all the wild berries. Childhood was spent making tents from fishnets, bed covers.. and once she learnt quilting , she had her one if its kind quilted tent. 

The tent was called : The Fickle Fortress 

Years passed by drenched in passion with  the ways of the Eastern World. Fickle Fickle met the Snow Man of the Eastern world. 

Snow Man could draw and sketch. He had a dog who could fetch. He could sing lullabies and was like the Broadway artist who could enthrall a crowd with his breath taking voice.

The Inevitable happened. 

Snowman saw fickle fickle and felt a funny tickle. He knew he wanted her and only her.

But what no one ever knew this about Fickle Fickle was that she was not from this World. She was the Zombie who could put people to tomb. Whoever kissed her pink nails inevitably slid in to their graves. 

Fickle Fickle quilted a pair of mittens , no one dies in this story, as the story was just about a fickle headed miss fickle fickle. 

***

Thanks, Disha - this really made my day! It made me so happy! (In spite of India playing horrible cricket today)

Four, and he melts my heart.

I was dropping Ri to school in a cycle rickshaw the other day and then – this conversation:

Ri: Mama, will you stay in my house.

Mama: Which house, Ri?

Ri: When I grow big and then when you grow small and I have a house, will you stay in my house?

Mama: Yes, I will stay in your house.

Ri: I will love you loads when you stay in my house.

Melts my heart.

***

When I heard the news of my aunt passing away, I started crying in the bedroom and that is when Ri walked in. He stared at me for a while and then – this conversation:

Ri: Mama, are you crying?

I nodded my head.

Ri: Mama, why are you crying?

Mama: I am crying because I am sad about something.

Ri:  (wiping my tears with his little hands, and holding my hand) Mama, cholo, let’s play with my train set. You will feel fine then.

Melts my heart

***

You are four years today, little one. You are really small and yet you can comfort me like no one can with conversations as these.

Yes, playing with the train set did make me feel better.

Yes, I really want you to grow big and have a lovely house of your own.

And no, I will not stay with you in that house because when you move out to your own house, I plan to turn your room into a sewing studio for myself. :| :D

Love you a lot and love you forever, baby. A very happy birthday to you. Just stay happy. Always.