Friday, September 4, 2015

No, I am not dating a vampire.

Sourced from the internet. The picture, not the roll.

A few days ago, a colleague at work told me about this incident that happened in the metro. This happened on a weekday morning. The metro was very crowded. Suddenly one woman bit another woman's hand. And by that I mean that she bit her hard enough to leave teeth mark and some blood. True story. Seriously. I asked this colleague about why did she not click a picture. She said three things - 1. photography is not allowed in the metro. 2. The metro was super crowded. 3. I cannot remember.

But she is a nice girl so I will believe her and so should you.

This incident really shocked me. I kept wondering what could have possible caused a woman to bite another.

Anyway, with time I forgot about this incident.

Then today something happened that made me remember it again.

I am on a diet. Okay, I am lying. But I do try to be on a diet. But some edible products are a home to Satan as we know. Rolls, are one them. They just tempt you to hell.

This colleague who sits next to me had ordered a chicken roll today. He offered to share it with me and I couldn't refuse. Satan, remember?

So I split the roll in halves and took the top half for my self. Which means, I did not have the butter paper that protects the roll, protecting my half of the roll.

I took a deep breath till the aroma of the roll hit my head, closed my eyes, opened my mouth wide and sank my teeth in that hell of a roll.

When I opened my eyes, I saw people at my work place staring at me with hungry eyes. (Some might mistake that look for disgust, but I am sure it was a look of hunger and crave)

And then I noticed that the contents of the roll had spilled from the other end all over my kurta. Yes, the front of my kurta was stained with chicken and juices and oil.

I looked at the people again and this time I noticed, it was disgust written all over their face.

I rushed to the washroom and tried to wipe the stains off.

Suddenly a lady from another department walked into the washroom. She stared at me vigorously scrubbing my kurta with a wet washcloth and said, "wow you smell like, erm..." "Like roll", I completed her sentence. She smiled and said "yes". I replied, "erm, thanks. But I would really not appreciate if you bite me." She gave me a weird look and walked out of the washroom. Without peeing.

But what I said had freaked me out too. The metro incident mentioned above suddenly flashed back in my mind and I just knew why that woman had been the other woman.

After ages I was scared to enter the metro. (The last time was after watching the movie Kahani.) I was seriously worried about being bitten by the co commuters who were traveling back home after a long day at work. Hungry.

Luckily the metro was not too crowded and I managed to stand in a corner with my backpack strapped to my front to block as much of the aroma as I could.

Seriously, I smelled so good that I was surprised that I did not bite myself.

Anyway. After this I just want SSM to know that if ever he finds bite marks on me, he is not supposed to assume that I am cheating on him and dating a vampire.

No, I am not dating a vampire. I AM JUST A LOUSY EATER.

If there is any sort of romance involved, it is purely between the Bengali bhodrolok and the roll. The Satan.


  1. 'Seriously, I smelled so good that I was surprised that I did not bite myself.'

    Ha ha Ha!! May be you can use the above sentence in your 'about me'!! :D

    1. I would have if i had smelled like a roll always. Unfortunately I don't. :D

  2. Sounds like a perfectly normal reason to bite a person.

  3. oh no!! this left me craving for a kolkata roll...! The nizams here failed in that area miserably! :(

    P.S - your sense of humour is impeccable! :*

    1. Ah. who does not crave for a Kolkata roll!.

      Thank you. :)


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